Friday, July 2, 2010

Gonna Fly Now

When I was a teenager, the movie Rocky IV made me want to become a boxer. I wanted to train in Siberia, running on ice and through mounds of snow, working out in a barn, chopping wood to transform my stick-thin form into that inflated chest, those six-pack abs, that glistening skin. I wanted to be wrapped in an American flag and wearing American flag boxing shorts. I wanted to avenge the death of Apollo Creed. I wanted to take my shots at a tall blond Belarusian putz like Ivan Drago who thinks he’s a steel cold-blooded fighting machine.

When that movie was released I was just 14. My Christmas list that year was boxing gloves, a punching bag, silk boxing shorts, boxing shoes, and, of course, the Rocky IV soundtrack. I didn’t get any of these things, so I had to gamble at school playing cards to get the cash. Two weeks later, the basement became a training gym. I placed my Pioneer boom box on the dryer and blasted Survivor’s “Burning Heat” and “Man Against the World” as I danced and punched. I closed my eyes and there came a montage, memories of me and Apollo, Adrian, and Paulie, and I’m pounding the bag, beating a snearing, towering, immovable Drago into a pile of glass-jawed gooey commie.

So, on a day when I was really getting my eye of the tiger, my rhythm was disrupted. Mom, banging on the basement door, get ready to go to Sizzler for dinner. Steaks and potatoes, all you can eat salad and fried shrimp. We’ll be sitting at the table, our red table tent displaying our order number, and Dad’ll ask, how’s your day, and that’s when I’ll proclaim, call me Stallion, folks, call me Stallion.

7 comments:

  1. You are a STUD! This is so funny, I think all young boys have these visions..mine was dating super models..well more than dating. It hasn't worked out...

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  2. Nothing like an all-you-can-eat Sizzler meal to turn a six-pack into a keg. Hope you still get your eye of the tiger.

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  3. Snort! Very funny, Christian!
    Do they still have Sizzler in the States? We had them in Canada for a short time but they didn't last. I always think of Roseanne and Dan Connor going out for a night on the town to "La Sizzler."

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  4. Quirky and fun. :-) The last line brought a smile to my lips.

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  5. Well, hey Stallion! Fun story!

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  6. Fun! I loved that movie and I could just picture this kid dancing around the bag, throwing punches with skinny stick arms. fun.

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  7. Thanks, all, for reading and commenting!

    Cathy: Sizzlers were big in my area (Maryland) in the mid-80s to the early 90s but then disappeared. Thought they still existed on the West Coast. Loved that place when I was a kid.

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