Friday, March 12, 2010

Hasenpfeffer

The king orders Yosemite Sam, bring me some hasenpfeffer. Sam gets that devilish rootin’-tootin’ grin, grows a thought balloon populated by Bugs Bunny chomping on a carrot. His firing six shooters propel him off the ground. Maybe this is the time it all comes together, he thinks, varmint makes his way into said stew. Sam hadn’t acquainted himself with the historical works, though, and their harsh inevitable truths: Wile E. never gets the Roadrunner, James Bond always escapes the evil genius trap, Sisyphus never manages to keep that boulder stationary.

Sam doesn’t know he’s an eye blink away from the real world. One day he could wake up and see that Bugs Bunny is his boss, the man who plunders his bank account, the cad who steals his love.

He could be pushed out of his cartoon into the sitcom of real life, scrubbed and cleaned and dropped into middle class life. Be forced to shave his beard. Ditch his Western gear for neutral suits and polo shirts. Shelve his raging pistols for lawnmowing and golfing foursomes. Become the face in the crowd. A tame automaton. One day, he thinks, I’ll make it back, give that rabbit his comeuppance. For now, though, everyone’ll call him plain old Sam. Buy him a diet soda.

11 comments:

  1. Poor Yosemite Sam! I love the idea that some of us in this world are cartoon characters who got fired from a TV show.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where are Rocky and Bullwinkle when you need them??

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for reading, gents. Now I'm going to have Bullwinkle's voice stuck in my head the rest of the day...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, I think Yosemite Sam will be able one day to boast again that he's "the roughest, toughest he-man stuffest hombré that's ever crossed the Rio Grande. An' I ain't no namby-pamby."

    Very cool and funny piece!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Existential animation and a diet coke. You rock.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would like to see Sam get that rabbit some day. I always felt bad for the Trix rabbit, too. Just wants some Trix.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, no! Run, Sam, far away from the real world. To stuff him in a suit would be cruel and unusual punishment. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Angsty. Captures the absurd in technicolour tweens. Clever, funny and disturbing stuff, Christian.
    Simon.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Is it a sign of growing old that I am increasingly on the side of Sam, and Tom, and the Coyote?

    ReplyDelete
  10. You make the most benign subjects sound profound and important. Still a fan of your work!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yosemite Sam will not die a bourgeois death. I refuse to believe this.

    ReplyDelete