Dear Border Town:
How’re things down by the, um, border? I know we don’t talk much anymore and for that, I’m sorry. Anyway, I‘ve been thinking that if there would be a movie version of Border Town, I’d want it to be a western, and I’d want it to star Peter Sellers. Of course, he’d have to play multiple roles. He’d be the sheriff who is also the snarling bad guy who’s trying to take over the town, the aging gunslinger who’s always drinking whiskey at the bar, the bespectacled accountant who hurts his wrists lifting a gun and, in a particularly comedic turn, the wise harlot who carries a parasol and is the town’s best billiards player. Slim Pickens would guest star but unfortunately his character is a mute. I know this is all silly because Peter Sellers has been dead for some time now, but they’re doing amazing things with CGI these days (do they even call it “CGI” anymore?), and there should not be any restrictions on one’s imagination. Yes, this last point might bring up a sore spot, one of many between us, the accumulation of which is why we don’t talk much anymore.